Long are the days praying for wisdom, guidance, and most importantly grace. No one prepares you for the uncertainty that fills your mind, the overthinking and constant “I am not enough” thoughts that come with parenthood.
I have never needed more grace than I have in this season and I often say that “motherhood” is the best, but also the most difficult thing I have ever done. The physical, emotional and mental toll every now and then becomes overwhelming, and then I have to remind myself to draw my strength from the One who never fails nor forsakes us, our anchor in the storm (Hebrews 6:19).
You see, balancing the art of speaking life into our circumstances (Proverbs 18:21- death and life are in the power of the tongue), being positive and taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5), can leave me feeling drained and disheartened, because in the moment it is so extremely difficult. We had prayed for our long-awaited rainbow baby, so surely, I can’t complain now, I would tell my husband. Little did I know that by denying myself to feel and experience the various emotions, I fuelled the other issues. Some days, the depression still hangs heavy, there are still nights when anxiety overtakes me and I struggle to see light at the end of the tunnel. I know there is no perfect story, no story without a valley, but I also know that by God’s grace we have come this far.
God does not condemn us for admitting life is hard, instead He reminds us to draw near to Him and to find rest in His presence. He reminds us that His grace is enough for us, and to have grace with ourselves as well.
The following verse has pulled me through the difficult days, and on the good days when I look back, I don’t know how I would have done it without Him.
Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:8-10.
Looking at this verse, we firstly have to understand that His strength is revealed in our times of weakness. I can admit that motherhood is difficult and challenging, and it is in these moments, His strength is perfected and even more evident.
Secondly, His grace IS sufficient even if we don’t see it at the time. In my own power or abilities, I will not be able to succeed, but by His grace, He empowers us to overcome and grow through every season.
Lastly, Paul pleaded with God to help Him and remove the “thorn in his flesh”, but God didn’t, He had a bigger plan. In tough times God does not always answer our prayers the way we want or expect Him to answer it. Rather, God will answer, give breakthrough and fulfil the promises He gave you, in His timing, in His way and for His glory.
One thing is certain: through our endurance God will be glorified, for our “suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us” (Romans 5:3-5). As we persist in this journey called LIFE, God will always have the final say and get the glory (for we exist to bring Him glory- Isaiah 43:6-7).
May we find joy in the knowledge that He will never leave nor forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:8), that He sent the Holy Spirit to guide and direct our steps and that there is enough grace to get through today. May we live at peace knowing that all things works for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). May we rest in the fact that God sees the bigger picture, He remains constant and unchanging.
With all this being said, I still need a continuous reminder to look up to the mountains, draw my strength from God, pray for wisdom, rely on grace and hold onto hope just as Abraham did when “against all hope, in hope he believed” (Romans 4:18).
Despite the challenging days, the beautiful days outweighs them all. What a blessing to know that she is OUR Mianke-Joy, our greatest gift that God entrusted us with. By living in His unearned grace we grow through every season and emerge victorious.
GIVE INTO HIS GRACE